You Are No Ordinary Bird

One of my favorite books is Richard Bach's "Jonathan Livingston Seagull." Jonathan loves flying more than constantly scrambling for food like the other gulls. The book speaks to me because we are all unique individuals who occasionally feel not at all "remarkable," but more like an oddball among our flock of co-workers, friends and family. The question we must ask ourselves is, "Will I give in to group thinking and expectations or express the singular purpose calling me from within?"

"Why is it," Jonathan puzzled, "that the hardest thing in the world is to convince a bird that he is free, and that he can prove it for himself if he'd just spend a little time practicing? Why should that be so hard?" Pushing back on our limitations sends strong, intentional, loving roots deep into the bedrock of our self-acceptance. Finding the courage to be unique and different from the flock, is not always easy; but, only then can we grow upward and begin to soar.

"He (Jonathan) spoke of very simple things--that it is right for a gull to fly, that freedom is the very nature of his being, that whatever stands against that freedom must be set aside, be it ritual or superstition or limitation in any form." Jonathan is pointing out that we seldom live up to our highest potential. Instead, we fall back into the comfort of flock expectations where we are accepted, but not truly happy or fulfilled.

He goes on to explain to the eager, young gulls that those who exceed the flying limits of flock belief are not more special or gifted. "The only difference, the very only one, is that they have begun to understand what they really are and have begun to practice it."

Settling or soaring, that is the question!

Are you ready to understand and appreciate who and what you really are and then practice it? If so, email me at SWELLSLTC@gmail.com.

There is more to life than just squawking with the flock!

Feeling is Revealing

I was a little apprehensive about sharing the previous blog, exposing too much of myself, perhaps? However, after posting my writing, I was immediately aware that my security issues stemmed from the very root of my being, that foundational structure that provides the stability and nurturing to allow us to grow courageously to new heights. In digging into those roots, I found they were tightly grasping a huge, gray boulder, a “foundation” utterly cold and unresponsive to my personal needs.

That structure formed in my very distant past when I was unable to comprehend the dynamics of people and situations around me. I’ve carried it and compensated for it for decades! Now that I see it, I can understand the factors that are creating my present fears about a lack of security if I let go of the boulder of my present regular-paycheck job, which, to be honest, no longer fulfills me or allows me to grow as it once did.

Two thoughts emerged when I came to this realization:

(1) If I remove the boulder, there is fertile soil beneath! I have experienced so much and demonstrated I can, when necessary, find and work with sufficient soil or other resources to ensure my survival.

(2) The boulder brought to mind a high, stone wall separating my past and future. I can clearly see my past but not the future; however, I have made it to this wall. It’s a cold, gray indicator that transition is necessary.

Furthermore, once I get past the wall and am beholding only to myself, I can create a future of my own making. Who knows how satisfying and rewarding my future can be if I make it my own?

The "moral" of this blog is: “Don’t shy away from your feelings even if they are a little uncomfortable.” Dig around in them and see what they have to tell you; there is treasure to be found.

I would love to face your transitions with you and coach you over walls that seem insurmountable. Contact me at swellsLTC@gmail.com and we’ll get started. You are stronger and more resourceful than you know.

I’m Far Too Petrified to Retire!

I have lived beyond the magic age for full Social Security; and believe me, I’m not still working to save the system from going bankrupt! I’m realizing I am desperately fearful of leaving my day job and its regular paycheck and relying on a drastically reduced Social Security check and a retirement fund that may or may not stay solvent in this unpredictable, global, financial shakeup. In short, I struggle mightily with my concept of financial security.

But, that’s just one facet of my retirement planning dilemma. A few months ago, a wise friend suggested I develop a reasonable “flight plan” for retirement, giving myself plenty of time to prepare for take-off. I mentally stepped up to a long, long runway and within days, my left knee began to ache excruciatingly! It hurt when I walked; it hurt when I sat; it hurt when I lay in bed! I believe in the mind-body connection, so I saw this as a painful but curious physical signal that my mind was not ready to get on board.

To add insult to injury, I went on a lovely tour of Egypt in December 2010 (before the revolution) with 40 seniors, most of whom were retirees. I had an opportunity to ask many of them how they made the decision to retire. Their reasons were all over the grid: an accident that disabled the person; a spouse who retired and wanted the partner to do likewise; a work environment that became too onerous and restrictive; overall job weariness; family circumstances. Among these very nice tour mates I looked around, saw myself and started to feel my age—old! My knee was killing me and I painfully stood among my peers—retirement-aged adults.

I was trapped, a bit uncomfortable, and stubbornly trying to defy reality! I was forced to be real about my age and accept the joint pains that go with it! At my day job, I am among younger coworkers; I am old enough to be my supervisor’s mother! I’ve let myself identify with a younger generation. I can look at myself in the mirror and not see wrinkles—talk about delusions!

I am having my own life transition crisis! “Physician, heal thyself” (from Luke 4:23). I won’t give advice about something I have not personally experienced. This is my ethic and this difficult passage is my educational experience. Fortunately, it is tempered by a slowly blossoming reality that retirement from my day job is a gift, an incredible opportunity to express all those creative ideas I’ve been ignoring far too long. It can be a rebirth—and it will; that is my intention…with or without the knee pain!

Stay tuned.

The Way Our Lives are Supposed to Be

Recently, I looked around at my life and said, "This is not the life I planned." I didn’t plan to be divorced, still single, working past retirement age, and looking old despite my best efforts to look ageless. At first, I felt tricked; I had my life all laid out and was content to sit back and check off the highlights on my life list. Then, “life happened,” as they say.

My journey is now less a perfectly guided tour and more a pilgrimage to discover who I really am. I learned about choices: I can go with the flow or navigate my own stream. I learned about forgiveness: Okay, you didn’t go along with my plan, but I will not carry resentment in my backpack. I learned about family: I held on to marriage for the kids, for “family,” and I thought divorce would destroy it; but, family is all about commitment to one another and one less uncommitted member did not destroy the family of me and my children. I learned about self-value: I’m still “me,” still okay; maybe even better. I learned about faith and trust: God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Source, Creator: I threw myself into grace and unconditional love and felt cared for, protected, guided.

The path I didn’t want, and suffered to avoid, became the place where I found my strength, courage, creativity, and joy. Someday soon, I will step off into retirement, a strange descriptor for a stage I fully expect will show me what being truly alive is all about. Bring it on!

Clarity is Freedom

Do we know ourselves or are we running on autopilot on the way to another dead end? Unless we take time to understand how our past and present are creating our future, we may be on the way to where we do not want to go.

That lack of clarity about the course of our lives is one of the biggest obstacles to reaching our highest ideals, to living the fulfilling life we dream of, and to being at peace with ourselves.

Last week, I spread 500 jigsaw puzzle pieces on my kitchen table, and I am still being challenged to link them together to create the original design. It is similar to the way we often let ourselves become many exclusive identities in our response to various circumstances.

When we then choose to make a positive change in ourselves, these disconnected pieces make it difficult to move forward as a whole individual. We speak from a segment of ourselves, a persona we have created to, often, satisfy others and not ourselves. How many times do we ask, “What would my spouse/children/relatives/friends/neighbors think if I carved out time for myself alone? Went back to school? Found a job? Left a loveless marriage?”

Our lives are about expressing and developing ourselves. This is not selfish, but about being whole and going into relationships or activities from that perspective. Think what we can give, what we can accomplish if we invest all that we are!

My life coaching practice offers a way to understand and appreciate who you are, to redirect your energy, slowly, like puzzle pieces moving into place, so that your life and relationships can become happier and more harmonious.

Welcome

Change Happens to Everyone
When it does, it can bring confusion. Life Transition Coaching is designed for those times when you need clarity to take your next steps.

Is your life out of sync? Have you bogged down, stumbled over an unexpected bump in the road; or have you been handed an extraordinary opportunity to renew your life?

How I Can Help
As a life transition coach, I will help guide you to your highest potential for happiness – happiness based on who you are and what truly fulfills you. I am your companion on the exciting journey to a deeper understanding and appreciation for who you are, where you have been, and where your unique potential can take you.

What is Life Transition Coaching?
Life transition coaching is not therapy. Rather, it is an opportunity to sort the past and present, to take a good look at what works and what no longer serves your best interests. During our sessions, we will uncover misconceptions – compromised boundaries – unreasonable fears – discouragement: in short, we will deal with the baggage you are carrying – consciously or unconsciously – that is holding you back.

What You Can Expect
Like the coach of a sports team, my job is not to make the goals or homeruns. Instead, I work with you to provide
• Support
• Insight
• Encouragement
• New ways to understand and appreciate who you are and what you can accomplish.

Coaching sessions are one hour in length and can be scheduled evenings and weekends. Face-to-face and phone sessions work equally well.

Who Can Benefit from Life Transition Coaching?
Anyone facing challenges such as career choices or changes, quality of life crises, the empty nest, menopause, divorce, retirement or other life events that seem to stop us in our tracks, can benefit from life transition coaching.

Are You Ready?
If you are ready take steps to a more satisfying life, contact me at SWellsLTC@gmail.com and let us begin your journey!